Nullifying Negative Connotations

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

The instructions delivered by the King of Hearts to that neurotic White Rabbit always seemed simple enough to me growing up, and yet one of the hardest things for me as a writer is avoiding a 'forced entry', if you will. I'll never forget the importance of my ninth grade English teacher, Ms. McGuinness, and her tricks to conquering boring writing. Aside from completely barring the use of "good" as an adjective, she was ever firm on the "why", looking high and low for the underlying theme even if, as I often thought, there was none. Most of all, though, she despised the use of "cookie-cutter" statements: in conclusion, firstly, first of all; even the famed 'once upon a time' was subject to her grammatical authority. Despite having to toil through themed essays, and tearing to pieces every epic poem ever written, I owe a lot of what I know to Ms. McGuinness who was always there, standing over your shoulder, ready to ask "why". Thank you, Ms. McGuinness - due to you I can artfully and deftly scribe one-thousand words about absolutely nothing.

That is, if I ever get around to it. One thing I am not is a pancake; however, I am a massive procrastinator. There's no real point to stating that fact, except that if you're expecting regular posts you're in for a let-down - that, and it's a lead-in for my next topic of discussion: something else I am!

Whenever job applications or social networking site surveys ask me to describe myself in three words I'm always slightly tempted to reply with Johannes factotum, leaving the last word free for, I dunno, boobs or fart or something to that ilk. (Also, ten bonus points and/or a cupcake to the person who can tell me who coined the term Johannes factotum. ) Literally translated into Johnny-do-it-all, it eventually became the "Jack of all trades" that we know today. What most of you all don't know is the pairing line to the original couplet that begins Jack of all trades, master of none. It's a traditional case of ignorance, and so I feel the need to enlighten and perhaps reverse this wayward stereotype that has nearly reversed how a Johannes factotum should be viewed. Many extraordinary people were labeled as "generalists", assuring us that the connotation was never meant to be negative. Here, I'll give you a few examples of esteemed polymaths: Leonardo da Vinci, Aristotle, and Benjamin Franklin. There are a ton more, and I'm welcoming everyone to send in their examples. DO EET. Oh, and here's what the real and total couplet looks like:

Jack of all trades, master of none,
though offtimes better than master of one.

So, ha! Suck on that, fuckers! There was a time when I was an angry little lady; no matter what I did I was never exceptional at anything! It was frustrating and infuriating trying to find my 'niche', seemingly surrounded by kids who were gifted at everything. And then one day it clicked, the pieces fell into place, the planets aligned. I had an epiphany! While I may not be fantastic at everything I try, I can do everything that I try and there's something to be said about that.

Noun
jack of all trades, master of none
1. (idiomatic) A person who has a competent grasp of many skills but who is not outstanding in any one.

Alright! So I'm no prodigy, big fucking deal. I'm a polymath and I am fiiiiine with that. More than fine, ecstatic! To all mah Johannes factotums out d'ere, West West! I got yo' backs.

I'll leave it at that today, 'cause I gots shit to do, yo! No really, though, I have to get some chores done, WoW time, and a nap in before dinner. Busy bee! BUT FIRST KITTEHZ!!1!

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"